WilLaVeist.com

I have an idea for a good Father’s Day present: a Merriam Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary. Inside is the definition for father:

1. A man who has begotten a child.
2. A male PARENT.
3. A father-in-law, stepfather, or adoptive father.

I would give the dictionary to deadbeat dads, but I’d also give it to those being duped into honoring single moms on Father’s Day.

The gift idea came while I was in Wal-Mart buying a card for my dad. My wife, as she shook her head sadly, pointed to the category “Happy Father’s Day, Mom” in the Mahogany section. Mahogany is Hallmark’s brand for African Americans. I looked through the general Father’s Day card section, but couldn’t find the “mom” category.

Hmmm. Why?

Some people insist on making a buck by selling the idea that Father’s Day is also for black single moms. Hallmark has been offering the mom cards for a few years, and a Web search also revealed a few entrepreneurs selling T-shirts, mugs and the like. Being a dedicated black father of three grown children who looks forward to this one day that celebrates what I willingly do every day, I find this offensive and even dangerous, particularly for the black community.

Nationally, 1 out of 3 American children live in homes where fathers are absent, according to the Center for Disease Control. The black rate is 2 out of 3. The message to the black community is that single motherhood is acceptable, so celebrate with a Mahogany card.

Bull.

By marketing “some love” to single moms on Father’s Day, the role of dads is devalued, especially in a community that badly needs fathers to step up and be real parents. It’s also capitalizing on a self-inflicted wound. Society should be lifting men who are honoring their role. That’s what the National Fatherhood Initiative is doing. The organization, which promotes fatherhood among all racial groups, is targeting the deadbeat crisis with a Call to Action that aims to mobilize black churches. Urban Ministries, Inc., the parent company of UrbanFaith.com, is involved. I recently spoke with Roland Warren, the president of NFI, who agreed that celebrating single moms on Father’s Day doesn’t help. Warren, who like me is a product of divorced parents and was successfully reared by a loving single mom, is a married father of two. (Hear the entire interview on The Wil LaVeist Show on June 22 at Noon EST at www.whov.org.)

I called Hallmark to ask why they’re capitalizing on this crisis, but haven't heard from them.

There are many legit and even painful reasons beyond control for why moms end up rearing children alone: Abusive relationships that wives flee; rapes, where the woman (or girl) heroically presses through the pregnancy; fiancés and husbands who die suddenly. However, there are reasons that happen within our control. Since the 1960s, increased divorces and out-of-wedlock births have dramatically spiked the number of households headed by single moms. And, unlike my father who stayed involved with his children, many dads cut and run. It’s also true that many moms force fathers to stay away, reducing them to monthly paychecks.

I also understand that school children, whose dads aren’t around, are often led to make Father’s Day gifts for their single moms to make them feel better. Children don’t need pity. They’re resilient and can handle reality. Having them show appreciation for their next closest positive male role model—an uncle, coach, pastor, or neighbor—is a better option that could help replenish the value of men in the black community among future generations.

I respect dedicated single moms, but understand the definition: A woman can never be a father and a man can never be a mother. Both parenting roles are equally unique and invaluable. Even among same-sex parents, you’ve got two moms or two dads. The idea of Father’s Day was actually inspired by a single dad who reared his six children after his wife died. Mother’s Day is in May. You also have the lesser-known Single Parents’ Day on March 21.

A mother being celebrated on Father’s Day makes as much nonsense as telling a single dad, "Happy Mother’s Day."

I doubt you’d find a Mahogany card for that.

Why?

It wouldn't sell.

Editor's Note: Hallmark Responds

June 21, 2011

Mr. LaVeist,

First, let me apologize for our delayed response to the question you left for us last week.  We were unable to confirm facts with the Mahogany and Father's Day card teams prior to the deadline you noted in your message, so we missed the opportunity to provide context.  But I thought it might be helpful to share our point of view.

Hallmark's goal is to offer cards for the wide range of our consumers' relationships so that everyone who wants to connect with others in positive ways can find a card to meet their need.  For years, consumers have expressed a desire for cards addressing this relationship, and we've offered them for the past several seasons.  The Mahogany Father's Day collection included 66 cards to help people honor dad and other special men in their lives, and that selection included two cards recognizing mom. Please note that our general Hallmark Father's Day line also included a "To Mother on Father's Day" card and several "Like a Father" cards to acknowledge those who play a father-like role in someone's life.

We've shared your post and the discussion in the blogosphere with the Mahogany team.  It's always helpful to have insight from varying perspectives as we plan selections to meet people's card-sending needs.

Thank you,

Kristi Ernsting
Public Relations | Hallmark Cards, Inc.

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This commentary was written for Urban Faith: www.urbanfaith.com on 6-17-11. Click here to post a  comment. Wil LaVeist is an award-winning journalist, author and radio show host. Listen to "The Wil LaVeist Show" on Wednesdays at Noon EST on WHOV 88.1 FM, and streaming live at www.whov.org.